effort.

another year come and gone. can't say I care all that much anymore. is the party for a new year or a new day? not necessarily negative here. it's just that after a certain point, the holidays all begin to blend together. I hate to think what it will be like by the time I'm sixty. will I be able to discern certain holidays or will they clump together like some kind of red and green tumor of people and sounds and smells and rituals?
aging is something I've been thinking about a lot lately. seriously, what is the best way to spend your time? whenever I'm able to kind of chew on, rattle around and eventually spit out an idea, I'm satisfied with the result long enough to justify my existence and effort as the same thing. only usually within a week or so, if I'm not expressing a new idea, then I lose any sense of purpose and perspective. I'm curious now all the time... if there's nothing controlling everything that happens everyday, then is existence just effort? I keep choking on the phrase "quest for authenticity" from my old philosophy class. quest- like a puzzle, a game, a test. is it whoever puts out the most effort to enjoy their life is successful? I don't know anymore.
and being home and away from that hotbox environment makes me question my methods as well... sure, art school is also about the environment, the experience; all that shit- but is it absolutely necessary? if I had stayed home after highschool, worked a shit job and made art whenever, would my work have suffered or not? am I making the most of my time there? is romance a creative stimulant? if so, is it one of your own making or just an adaption by individuals of the old romantic notion of the "drafter and drafted" contained within the psyche of art-making itself?

either way, I'm going to be paying off college for the rest of my adult life.




an old snapshot. these birds were probably on sale, so that explains why they flew somewhere I couldn't see fast. I wish I knew why the old friend of mine whose hand is in the photo did the same.

it's funny how people are, how they move, how they change.